This is my Instructors note below
THIS IS MY INSTUCTORS NOTE TO ME IN RED, PLEASE READ AND FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS GIVEN BY INSTRUCTOR..
Assignment Feedback (I have 62% on this assignment)
While I applaud your research and the amount of information here, you will need to do quite a bit of work to structure it into the essay described in the instructions. Below are a few thoughts:
I am a bit confused about your formatting here, since the Reference Page and Title Page are both at the top and incorrectly formatted - make sure to review formatting for APA style papers at Purdue Owl online for help with that.
Unfortunately, the rest of the essay feels lacking in logical structure as well, and does not seem to follow a map as laid out by the thesis statement. Instead, your introductions names sources instead of explaining or introducing a topic, and leaves the reader confused as to what is to come.
At some points, you seem to list positive or negative points rather than explaining, analyzing and synthesizing them. You list so many, that the paper loosing its central idea -- you should just choose three to four effects OR causes, and then either make an argument about them (persuasive essay) or synthesize research on them to deepen our understanding and analyze their overall effect/cause. What you have is too broad of an analysis, and therefore looses its effect.
Please review the directions for this essay, as well as News Items about formatting and thesis statements for additional help. Make sure to follow the format laid out in the directions -- intro, body paragraphs (each analyzing ONE cause OR effect) and conclusion.
You will also need to cite your sources in the actual body paragraphs, quoting and paraphrasing their words. At the moment, I hardly see any of this, although you have listed sources.
I hope this helps!
Selection of sources - currency
Selection of sources - scholary
Use of sources
Grammar and Mechanics