TUTOR'S COMMENTS AND ADVICE TO STUDENT:Â
Well done for submitting your first assignment for DE100.
Below you will see how your grading has been calculated and there is also some general feedback to help you progress further.Â Â Â There is further feedback on each individual section in the assignment itself.Â Â Â I have given comments in balloons at the side of your writing and in a feedback table at the end of each part.Â Â Don't forget to read the positive comments and to celebrate your achievements!Â Â Do contact me if you cannot access my writing or if you require further clarification.
Part 1 (30% or 21/70)
I am awarding this mark Lerato because you touched upon several relevant issues such as the imprecise nature of the scoring. However, you do need to focus on the purpose of the piece of writing so that you are giving the reader a take-home message that fits.Â Â Here you might have argued that IQ testing is flawed and so a newer system such as a descriptive assessment of quality of life might be better.
Part 2 ( 14 /30)
Lovely discussion of how the groups changed over time.Â Â I particularly liked your use of brackets to make your statements more precise.Â Â You also used the terms and data from the table so that I could follow your ideas without going back to the table.Â Â This is what we want to see.Â Â Now focus on structure.Â Â Start with a summary of the study and then end with the conclusion of what message should be given to parents of children about improve their children's IQ.
Part 3 (no mark to be awarded)
Thank you for your comments.Â Â I am glad that you can see how the forums might help your communication.Â Â Given that a lot of my feedback here has been about how to share a message with the reader, it may be helpful for you to make the forums a priority.Â Â I would recommend that you try to say something about the usefulness of the questionnaire in our current collaborative activity.Â Â Contact me if you would like support with this.
You write fluently and clearly recognise the need to acknowledge the sources of your idea.Â Â This will give you marks in the next assignment.Â Â You had picked some of the relevant arguments to include and your use of short paragraphs in part one meant that you could keep the writing moving forward.Â Â I loved your use of brackets to increase the precision of your writing.Â Â Do this again!
Areas for development next time:
1.Â Â Spend longer reading the student notes.Â Â Highlight in your book the sections that they direct you to read as relevant.Â Â Question why those sections have been identified.
2.Â Â Plan for longer before writing.Â Â Start by writing the message you want to make at the top of the page and then decide what each paragraph needs to do to make that message.Â Â Find evidence in your books to back up the point for each paragraph.Â Â If it does not lead the reader to learn something new about the message then cut it out.Â Â Then put your message into the last paragraph.
Lerato, I know that this may feel a discouraging mark.Â Â However, I can see good potential in your writing.Â Â You just seemed to miss the purpose of each piece of writing.Â Â If you focus on that in the next assignment then I am sure that your grade will increase.Â Â Contact me if you would like to talk over this assignment with me.Â Â S