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The Individual in Society
Attraction & Close Relationships
Written & compiled by Dr Tim Griff ...
The Individual in Society
Attraction & Close Relationships
Written & compiled by Dr Tim Griffin
School of Social Sciences & Psychology
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 2
We expect you to prepare for Tutorial 5 by completing this workbook. Prepared students are more
engaged than unprepared students, contribute more to informed discussions, and learn more.
The benefit of preparation and being informed only accrues if you do your own work. Studying in
groups is OK, but not doing the work is not OK.
It is sometimes tempting to piggyback on the work of others, especially if there are marks at stake.
We therefore require you to make the following declaration.
I declare that I have not copied or received the work of another student (or other students) to
complete the preparatory exercises in this Tutorial Workbook.
Y N (delete one)
Delete N with a clear conscience
(If you can ’t delete N clear conscience your Workbook will not get marked.)
Please add your text in blue so that it is clearer what you have added.
Completing this Workbook is preparation for your second written assignment –
Reflection (Learning Journal) 2.
Before submitting your workbook you are required to tick (or mark in some form) one of the following boxes, to
indicate how much of this workbook you have completed:
Less than half the
More than half but not
Every question .
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 3
Topic 4: Attraction & Close Relationships
Attraction & Close Relationships sub -topics:
1. What leads to friendship and attraction?
2. What is love?
3. When relationships go wrong.
You will choose one sub -topic from Attraction & Close Relationships for your Learning Journal.
You do not need to do this until you have explored all of these sub -topics.
These sub -topics are covered in your textbook:
Chapter 8: Attraction and intimacy: Liking and loving others.
These sub -topics are also covered in Lecture Topic 9 – Attraction & Close Relationships.
To complete this Workbook and participate in the online tutorial and activities you will need to refer
to the following:
Lecture on Prejudice and Dis crimination;
Readings linked from this Workbook.
Relevant readings for these sub -topics are referenced under each sub -topic.
Important Note about Self -Disclosure
Tutorials 2, 3, and 5 contain some inventories (i.e. surveys or quizzes) that ask you questi ons about yourself
(e.g. your self -esteem). These inventories yield scores, and interpretations of those scores.
You are not required to reveal your scores or to talk about them in if you do not want to. You may feel more
comfortable talking about the scores in a more abstract way (e.g. people with high or low self -esteem), which
is perfectly okay.
Tutorials also cover sensitive topics such as prejudice and discrimination and relationships breakdown and
students are likely to feel strongly about some of the issues raised.
Students are to show each other respect when discussing sensitive topics online.
If any of the inventories, or your scores or discussions cause you concern, you may wish to contact student
support counselling services on: 9852 5199, or call lifeline on: 131114 or beyond Blue on: 1300224636.
Information about the University Counselling Service can be found at:
Dr Sky Hugman – Unit Coordinator
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 4
Reflection (Learning Journal) 2
Write down any questions you want to ask about Reflection: Learning Journal 2.
Have your questions been already answered in the vUWS Discussion Forum on Reflection (Learning
Journal) 2? Can you find answers in the Learning Guide ? If not, ask your question/s in the discussion
forum for Reflection (Learning Journal) 2.
Subtopic 1: What leads to friendship and attraction?
Readings for sub -topic 1
Relevant sections of the chapter ‘Attraction and intimacy: liking and loving others’ : Myers and
Karantzas (2016), Myers (2013) or Myers (2010).
Activities for sub -topic 1
A mysterious student has been attending a class for the past two months enveloped in a
big black bag. Only his bare feet show. Each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at 11 a.m.
the Black Bag sits on a small table near the back of the classroom. Charles Goetzinger,
professor of the class, knows the identity of the person inside. None of the 20 students in
the class does. Goetzinger said “the students’ attitudes changed from hostility toward
the Black Bag to curiosity and finally to friendship.”
Four factors leading to friendship and attraction are proximity, interaction, mere exposure,
and similarity. Which factor does the above story illustrate?
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 5
Think of two of your friends and fill in the following table.
Friend 1 Friend 2
How did the
Which of the following factors were present?
Use your textbook and briefly explain how it was a factor.
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 6
Similarity or Complementarity?
Think of yourself and think of your best friend.
Tick the adjectives that apply to you and then those that apply to your best friend.
1. active ___ ___
2. aggressive ___ ___
3. ambitious ___ ___
4. belligerent ___ ___
5. brave ___ ___
6. dependent ___ ___
7. dominant ___ ___
8. gentle ___ ___
9. Helpful ___ ___
10. independent ___ ___
11. needs sympathy ___ ___
12. obliging ___ ___
13. passive ___ ___
14. peaceful ___ ___
15. protective ___ ___
16. seeks protection ___ ___
17. self -centred ___ ___
18. self -confident ___ ___
19. sociable ___ ___
20. tactless ___ ___
21. timid ___ ___
22. unconventional ___ ___
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 7
Did you and your friend have about the same ticks, or were they substantially different?
If they were different, further analysis is required to see if you have a complementary friendship.
Is one of you ‘meek’ (items 8, 13, 14, 21), complemented by an ‘assertive’ personality (1, 2, 7, 18)?
Or, is one of you ‘protective ’ (5, 9, 15), complemented by ‘dependent ’ traits (6, 11, 16)
Write about what the survey says about your friendship with your friend:
Are you similar or complementary?
If you are complementary, in what way are you complementary?
Do you agree with what the survey says about your relationship with your friend? Why or why not?
Pick something from what your textbook says about similarity and complementarity that matches
your exp erience.
Is there anything that does not match your experience?
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 8
Is attraction different for males and females?
List four attributes you most look for in a partner:
What would you expect to find? [Hints can be found in Myers and Karantzas (2016, pp. 284 -285) and
Myers (2013, pp. 281 -283; 2010, pp. 274 -278)].
The section between the two horizontal lines is optional – you do not have to complete it prior to
your online tutorial but it is good preparation.
Even though this section is optional, interested students may use if for their Reflection (Learning
Journ al) 2.
Read the arguments in your textbook for and against Internet relationships and enter four points for
and against Internet relationships.
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 9
Myers and Karantzas (2016, pp. 308 -310) the Myers (2013, pp. 303 -304; 2010, pp. 298 -299).
Think of an example that shows some of the points for and/or against Internet relationships. How
does the example match the points?
Read the article on this webpage:
(At the bottom of this webpage it even shows you how to ‘cite this page’.)
While the Internet may help people form sup portive romantic partnerships, which are important for
psychological and physical health, there are pitfalls and cautions.
Select at least two pitfalls and list them below.
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 10
The e-harmony advertisement shown in the lecture talked about ‘deep compa tibility’. How does
this relate to the similarity factor in relationships and what does the above article say about this (e.g.
the algorithms - or formulas - used to generate matches)?
END OF OPTIONAL SECTION
Subtopic 2: What is love?
When we think of ‘love’, we often think of romantic or passionate love; the type of love that we see
in the movies (rom -coms) and hear sung on the radio in popular songs. However, there are many
theories and models of different types of love.
Sternberg ’s‘ ’love triangle ’
Sternberg ’s ‘love triangle’ or ‘triarchic ’ theory of love can be found in Myers and Karantzas (2016, p.
297) or Myers (2013, p. 292; 2010, p. 287). As you complete the triangle below with the Sternberg’ s
types of love, you might reflect on, if you are in a relationship, where yours is situated and where
you would like it to go. If you are not in a relationship, you could think of a relationship of people
that you know well.
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 11
Read Myers and Karantzas (2016, pp. 296 -300) or Myers (2013, pp. 292 -297; 2010, pp. 286 -292) and,
in your own words, describe the difference between romantic love and companionate love.
Passionate Love Scale
You were encouraged to complete the ‘passionate love scale ’ – see the lecture slides or go to:
The full scale (questionnaire) is divided into three sub -scales, as described below.
Elaine Hatfield’s Passionate Lov e Scale (PLS). Passionate love is defined as “a state of intense longing
for union with another. Reciprocated love (union with the other) is associated with fulfilment and
ecstasy. Unrequited love (separation) with emptiness; with anxiety or despair. A sta te of intense
The scale was designed to tap the cognitive, emotional, and behavioural components of passionate
A. Cognitive components:
1. Preoccupation with the partner
2. Idealization of the other or of the relationship
3. Desire to know the other and be known
B. Emotional components:
1. Attraction to other, especially sexual attraction
2. Negative feelings when things go awry
3. Longing for reciprocity
4. Desire for complete union
5. Physiological arousal
C. Behavioural components:
1. Actions toward determining the other’s feelings
2. Studying the other person
3. Service to the other
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 12
No overall gender differences were found in passionate love although men did seem to love more
passionately in the early stages of the relationship. For both genders, passionate love increases as
the relationship goes from early states of dating to deeper levels of involvement but then levels off.
How important is love for marriage?
Review ‘Would you marry someone you didn’t love?’ (Passer , Smith & Norris, 2016, p. 23; Passer &
Smith, 2013, p 21; Passer & Smith, 2010, pp. 14 – 15).
How do you think the differences seen in people from different cultures relate to the ‘independent ’
and ‘interdependent ’ selves you explored in online Tutorial 2 on ‘Self & Identity’?
Subtopic 3: When love goes wrong
Read Myers and Karantzas (2016, pp. 317 -320) or Myers (2013, pp. 305 -308; 2010, pp. 300 – 303,
and review the lecture slides on the divorce and relationship breakdown statistics.
What is the current Australian divorce rate?
What percentage of couples co -habit before getting married?
True or False - Second marriages tend to be more stable because the partners have learned from
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 13
Read Miller (1997): ‘We Always Hurt the Ones We Love’ (available in the Readings (Library links)
folder in vUWS).
Miller, RS 1997, ‘We always hurt the ones we love: aversive interactions in close relationships’, in
RM Kowalski, (ed.) Aversive interpersonal behaviors , Plenum Press, New York, pp. 11 -29.
Miller, R. S. (1997). We always hurt the ones we love: aversive interactions in close relationships. In
R. M. Kowalski (Ed.), Aversive interpersonal behaviors , (pp. 11 -29). New York: Plenum Press.
What is Miller’s (1997) main thesis (idea or argument)? (Hint: the main thesis is usually found in the
introduction. It will usually be restated in the conclusion, along with what is important about it.)
Miller (1997) describes eight ‘sources of aversiveness in close relationships’ – enter them in the table
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 14
Choose an example from real life or media (e.g. a movie or TV show) that illustrates one of Miller’ s
(1997) sources of aversiveness. In your own words, describe what happened and how it is an
example of the source of aversiveness. How did it damage the relationship?
Now read Myers and Karantzas (2016, pp. 298 -300) or Myers (2013, pp. 294 -296; 2010, pp. 289 -291)
and write some points to argue against romantic love in the box below.
You might also go to this website:
http://thenextgalaxy.com/arranged -marriage -advantages -and -disadvantages -list/
Here you will find a list of advantages and disadvantages of arranged marriages and, most
importantly, an SBS ‘Insight’ program on arranged marriages.
101557 The Individual in Society Workbook 5v2 – Attraction & Close Relationships page 15
Application and Limitations
Refer to the Marking Sheet for Reflection (Learning Journal) 2 in Tutorial 2 Workbook. There is a
criterion for “Relevance to social world” which requires you to apply what you have learned to your
social world. Well -consid ered responses to this will include limitations of the application to your
Pick one of the sub -topics from this Workbook.
Pick an experience or real -life example that is relevant to the sub -topic (it may be one that is
shared by the whole class). Explain how it is relevant to your social world.
Describe a limitation of the example. For instance, where there are limits to how good an example
it is of the concepts covered in this online tutorial. Or where there are aspects of the example,
which the concepts cannot explain.
Enter the password to open this PDF file:
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