Introduction to self-reflection
Self-reflection and understanding one’s personality attributes is essential for every individual. This helps in gaining a deeper insight about one’s own personality and then efforts can be put to improve upon the same. This course helped me learn various models that assisted me in understanding my own personality attributes and reflect upon the conflicts that I have faced in life. This report throws light upon the recent conflicts that I have faced and how do I see those conflicts today in the light of my understanding of these models.
A few months ago, while working on a group project, I had a conflict with one of the team members. Primarily we had been assigned in the group to work from a creative angle. Throughout the entire project duration, we had several arguments. After the first month situations turned from bad to worse and the team leader decided to confront us. She mentioned that I did not respect her ideas enough despite the fact that they have been successful in the past. The leader explained us that when people work on creative aspects, it is normal to disagree with each other’s opinions. That is when he gave me a very important lesson of agreeing to disagree. We applied that strategy from thereon and rarely faced an argument again. The span of the entire project was three months and it turned out to be a grand success.
Conflict seen under the lens of transactional analysis, I statements and MBTI model
There are several aspects of this incident that I understand better after taking this course. Firstly I understand from the Transactional analysis model that both of us at an active ‘Parent’ ego state. Transactional analysis defines three active ego states (Berne, 2016). We were simply not listening to each other and this led to increased number of arguments. In such a state, it is important that at least one person adopts an ‘adult’ or ‘child’ ego state. This way there would be fewer conflicts and increased coordination among people.
Second thing that I learnt was that most of our conversations included a large number of I statements. There is a thin line between being assertive in an appropriate manner and in being arrogant and self-centred (Parker, 2014). Post this course, I believe through my communication, I could have handled the situation in a better manner. After further analysis, I also realized that we were both similar personality types. MBTI model defines 16 different personality types (Cohen, Ornoy & Keren, 2013). Both of us were ESFP personality types.
I and my best friend share a beautiful relationship that means a lot to me. While reflecting upon my conflicts, I realized that we have been in numerous conflicts with each other where we have not spoken to each other for some time. A lot of these conflicts arise out of petty issues that are not too important. However, after a few hours, it is always me who apologizes and tries to make peace. There have been incidences where I was clearly not at fault but I was sure that it was me who would have to take the first step. Even though I apologize to save our relationship, I often tend to feel guilty and bad like I have hurt my self-respect and esteem.
Conflict seen under the lens of Johari window and MBTI model
Through the duration of this course, I have realized that I value people and relationships more than facts. The MBTI model clearly reflected by inclination towards ‘Feeling’ rather than ‘Thinking’. This model suggests that extreme of any of the sixteen personality types as depicted by the model is bad (Hancock, 2016). My ability to value relationships makes people take me for granted and I should surely learn to be more assertive. Rather than waiting for the next conflict to occur, I would discuss the same with my best friend in an amicable manner.
The second thing to note here is that I have always had some insecurity with my best friend. I have faced this issue since a long time. I realized this while understanding the Johari Window. Johari window helps individuals in analysing various facets of their own personality (Tran, 2018). My insecurities are those sides of my personality that I know but others do not know. When I reflected upon my relationship with my best friend after analysing my own Johari Window, I realized that there are lot of insecurities that I need to address in an effective manner. It is due to these insecurities that I tend to allow people and especially my best friend to take me for granted. Johari window is specially designed to help people understand even those aspects of their personality that other see but they don’t (Saxena, 2015).
This one is the most recent conflict that I have faced with my cook. My cook has been working for our family since the last two years. She has been very helpful to us and prepared great food. However there are certain aspects of her personality that I truly despise. Despite telling her several times, she ends up cooking more food than required which often goes to waste. Her standards of hygiene are also poor and after she is done cooking, it takes us time to fix the kitchen. More importantly, every time either of us tells her anything, she immediately has an excuse ready for her doing. She does not listen to us and only reacts very loudly. Therefore we end up getting into arguments and conflicts very frequently.
Conflict seen under the lens of transactional analysis and Johari Window
I realize that all the people that she works for have always praised her and no one really tells her about her mistakes in a calm manner. So the fact that she is loud and unhygienic falls under that box of the Johari Window which highlights personality attributes that one does not know but others know. Therefore I have decided to have a sincere discussion with her in order to help her understand the problems faced by us.
While talking to her, it is important that I keep an active ‘adult’ ego. I would also consistently try to analyse her active ego state and respond to her in an effective manner. I would also avoid using I statements but will be appropriately assertive.
Besides the three conflicts mentioned above, there are several other issues that I face. However, this course has surely helped me in widening my horizon regarding effective conflict handling and relationship building. I would ensure that I apply these models practically in my life during a conflicts. The course has not only helped me in understanding my conflicts better but has also helped me in gaining a deeper insight regarding my own personality type.
Berne, E., 2016. Transactional analysis in psychotherapy: A systematic individual and social psychiatry. Pickle Partners Publishing.
Cohen, Y., Ornoy, H. and Keren, B., 2013. MBTI personality types of project managers and their success: A field survey. Project Management Journal, 44(3), pp.78-87.
Hancock, D., 2016. To test or not to test: Assessing personality traits. Practice Management, 26(5), pp.23-25.
Parker, I., 2014. Discourse dynamics (psychology revivals): Critical analysis for social and individual psychology. Routledge. United Kingdom.
Saxena, P., 2015. JOHARI WINDOW: An Effective Model for Improving Interpersonal Communication and Managerial Effectiveness. SIT Journal of Management, 5(2), pp.134-146.
Tran, B., 2018. Communication: The Role of the Johari Window on Effective Leadership Communication in Multinational Corporations. In Social Issues in the Workplace: Breakthroughs in Research and Practice (pp. 135-160). IGI Global.