There are many effects of the enforced rule of silence on members of the dysfunctional family. The members of the family cannot speak regarding what is going on inside their family. They cannot speak to anyone outer the family and cannot speak to anyone within the family. This “no talk” law is so tough that children who are growing up within this family structure face complications conveying and expressing them for their entire lives and subsequently they pass on the same to their kids. The one and only way how children can get free of this “no talk” rule is expressing what they feel and whatever has happened to them. The therapist can address this problem by implementing humanistic family therapy which is typically deal with communication approach (Lecheler, Schuck and de Vreese, 2013). During counseling the therapist may find that the members of a dysfunctional family are intended to hide information. This is may be because of the shame or concern about what the assessor will think about their family. But it is the responsibility of the therapist to make the family members understand about the importance of effective family counseling in order to help the members to overcome the difficulty of “no talk” rule.
Self-compassion comprises treating individual with same kindness, support and concern one would show to another. The techniques known as oriental mediation are considered as essential exercises for strengthening the sympathetic observer-self. The counselor should emphasize that irrespective of which concept one select, it is a convenient fact that individual can either ignore conflicting selves inside individuals and let the prevailing take the charge or individual can select to pay attention to individual self one by one, with final choice always being taken by ‘compassionate observer’ (Long et al., 2010). The counselor should advise that to search own direction, a better way to initiate is by concentrating on what individual feel. Individual’s deep feelings are closer to the reality than individual’s thoughts and these can be readily accessible than one may realize.
As a starting point the counselor should suggest his/her client to begin to practice in his/her everyday conversation, by applying phrase like: “I feel” and then convey exactly what he/she is feeling and not that what he/she is thinking. These ‘I messages’ are different from ‘you messages’. This is because others do not understand the real truth, but only an individual knows well about his/her own truth and feelings. The counselor should also mention his/her client to practice dealing honestly with individual’s feelings and to practice showing the pain (Lecheler, Schuck and de Vreese, 2013). The counselor should explain in another way to reveal feelings of a client to feel relaxed. Rest quietly and get back to the thoughts to imagine individual’s representation and circumstances one have been in. While performing this, individual should say to them that “I feel” regarding each situation and each person.
‘a mild deficiency in expression of feelings’ means individual is failed to express by his/her own and allow self to think he/she may hurt the other or the other person might not like it if he/she convey his/her own feelings or sometimes individual may feel that his/her message is not important at all (Scheman, 2000). Actually these are not feelings and these are excuses and should be recognized as such.
When the first client is more able to state directly how he feels, individual instinctively develop other communication aspects associate with feelings, for example posture, voice, body expressions and facial expressions. It is probably important to enlighten client as to what sentiment communication is not. Many clients believe that they convey their feelings in reality when they do not actually. They may have a wrong idea of what emotional expression really is. Hence emotional communication is not when client’s main concern is conveying what they think or when his/her main concern is talking about the true facts or when the client’s main concern is conveying what the client really thinks what he/she should feel or when the client’s main concern is reserving rationalizations for feelings.
When the client’s main concern is conveying what he/she thinks he should feel all that takes place in this situation is to allow oneself to become a reflector of the entire world surrounding him/her. Ones true individuality becomes lost through this process.
True communication of feelings can be referred to as reflection. True communication of feelings requires complete expression of oneself without any hesitation. This will allow the speaker to pay attention to their individual thoughts and to concentrate on what individual feel and express. This will allow to illustrate the speaker that individual is trying to make out the entire world as they observe it and that individual are performing their best to appreciate their messages and to support then to prolong communicating. It does not comprise individual asking questions or introducing innovative topic or directing towards an out of track discussion.
The five main characteristics of effective communication of feelings include putting more thoughts into individual’s voice; being more lively when individual communicate; applying more gestures; conveying something more honestly and allowing individual’s face show what individual feel. Effective communication of feelings include believing what individual feels are worthy, name individual’s feelings, work through the feelings independently, believe what individual’s feelings matter to other individual/s, apply individual’s own opinion to talk about their feelings, individual is desired to be solution oriented. It is significant to keep in mind that one’s feelings and emotions are valid always as it is inherent (Kirkwood, 2000). One cannot stop how they feel and thus individual’s emotions and feelings are never bad or wrong. Allowing individual time to construct an expressive vocabulary is considered as a good step that immensely help to understand one’s feelings in a better way.
The expression of emotion strengthens and stimulated the excitatory progressions inside the brain and in result individual become more excitatory human being. The counselor should make his/her client understand the fact that they are handling with emotions and feelings and expressing in a natural way, can impact on their children’s lives. Individual’s application of these abilities will provide as a representation for them with the intention that these individuals can nurture to self-confident adults and liberally conveying their feelings. Because of the model, children are considered to be more appropriate to share their emotions with their parents.
The expression of feelings inhibits the centers of anxiety inside the brain and thus one feel less worried. The exceptional fact that one feels less worried means those individuals are proficient to understand more feelings and express more feelings. While expressing the feelings the clients should be well aware of few of the facts. For example: the voice tone need to be firm, appropriately loud and confident. A combination of these qualities in voice is a point of assertiveness. Eye contact is an important aspect where it makes sure that individual always looks straight to the person he/she is communicating with, the significance for body gestures, by implementing proper gestures to the communication and facial expressions that suit individual expression to what individual say or feel. Individual need not to smile while expressing anger and should express true emotions.
Kirkwood, W. (2000). Stories that bring peace to the mind: Communication and the education of feelings. Southern Communication Journal, 66(1), pp.16-26.
Lecheler, S., Schuck, A. and de Vreese, C. (2013). Dealing with feelings: Positive and negative discrete emotions as mediators of news framing effects. Communications - The European Journal of Communication Research, 38(2).
Long, C., Fulton, B., Dolley, O. and Hollin, C. (2010). Dealing with Feelings: The Effectiveness of Cognitive Behavioural Group Treatment for Women in Secure Settings. Behav. Cogn. Psychother., 39(02), pp.243-247.
Scheman, N. (2000). Interpreting the personal: expression and the formation of feelings. Philosophical Review, 109(1), pp.118-121.
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