Essay: The Language Of Love: Five Love Languages And Applications.

Write a research on language of love.

Chapman’s Theory of Love Languages

Everybody needs to be loved. According to Polk and Egbert (2013), Chapman wrote a book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, where he created a theory about the language of love. This theory is based on how people show and receive affection. Based on Chapman’s theory, being loved is a basic need and humans express affection in different ways (Chapman, 2010). In relationships, people show affection differently based on their love language. For example, some say “I love you” while others enjoy activities spent together. Using Chapman’s theory, five different love languages can be identified and their applications in our daily lives described.

Love can be communicated using five love languages, which means love language differs. According to Chapman (2010), love can be expressed using five languages namely: sending word messages, spending quality time together, sharing gifts, helping each other with tasks and physical contact such as holding hands. Using these languages shows affection to the other person in the relationship. Researchers have proved that a significant relationship exists between factors that maintain relationships and the love languages (Polk & Egbert, 2013). This proof affirms the belief that love can be communicated using different love languages. Indeed, people use different methods to show their affection.

Each has a unique language of love. Chapman suggested that each prefers a specific love language (Chapman, 2010). For example, some people give gifts while others like to spend time together. Additionally, the way someone shows affection is the way they choose to receive it (Dahl, 2016).  Therefore, couples should learn each other’s love language to avoid confusion. Some researchers have argued that individuals do not know their love language until they have experienced relationships in their adulthood and have had the characteristics of different love languages explained to them (Polk & Egbert, 2013). Generally, it is essential for everyone to learn their love language.

The love languages affect the quality of relationships. Chapman proposed that relationships, where couples use their partner's love language to please them, are healthy because their need is satisfied (Polk & Egbert, 2013). As earlier mentioned, people like to receive affection using the method they use to give it. Therefore, when a person who says "I love you" a lot does not hear the same words, he or she may get frustrated with the relationship. On the contrary, some researchers have argued that couples feel satisfied when more behaviors are practiced, which means both the quality and quantity matter (Leverett, 2007). In this case, more research needs to be done on which option offers the best satisfaction.

These love languages can be applied in different settings. In most cases, when someone discusses love languages, they are described in the context of marriage and dating relationships. Wright (2013) suggests applying these love languages in the relationship between a parent and a child. For example, instead of saying “I love you” parents can buy gifts that reveal their love. This form of communicating is beneficial because it is a language that children can respond to. In addition, Chapman and White (2011), recommend using these love languages in the workplace to show appreciation to the employees. For example, some employees appreciate praises through congratulatory emails while others prefer gift coupons. Generally, it is significant to understand the love languages of those around us to maintain relationships.
The Love Languages

The first love language is exchanging gifts. According to Kim (2017), giving gifts is a way of expressing one's love where the love is felt depending on how surprised the receiver is and the thought process involved. The thought process signifies that the gift is something that has meaning to the couple. Though quality is appreciated, a majority of the receivers appreciate how thoughtful the giver is (Kim, 2017). For example, a mixtape of a couple's dance during their wedding day gifted during a wedding anniversary may be appreciated more than a diamond necklace even though the necklace is more expensive. For those who have such partners, always pay attention to the thought process when giving gifts.

The second love language is sending messages, which is mainly using words to express feelings. For example, in a work setting, a manager can show affection by appreciating the work of the employees through congratulatory messages when a goal is met. These forms of acknowledgments assist in building the morale of the employees because they feel appreciated (Frances, 2017). In a relationship, showing affection using words is essential if the love language is present. For instance, a couple may decide to write each other love poems during their wedding anniversary. This type of love language requires individuals to express their feeling of gratitude and love to make someone feel appreciated.

The other type of love language is spending time together. According to May (2017), this form of love language is often misunderstood as individuals spend time together but not on each other. For example, a couple may be spending time together at a football match, which is not the type of love language Chapman refers to. Time spent together must involve an individual giving undivided attention to the spouse (May, 2017). The activity chosen often entails facing each other and carrying out quality conversations. For example, folding clothes while discussing the day's events does not qualify as spending time together but having a chat after dinner does. The emphasis is on giving the partner undivided attention.

The fourth type of love language is physical contact such as holding hands. According to Stockton (2016), physical contact does not entail public display of affection. Most of the couples assume that a partner who communicates using this love language enjoys public displays of affection, which may be frustrating. A partner who speaks this love language may enjoy being embraced (Stockton, 2016). In fact, the best way to end arguments is merely hugging the person. Additionally, this type of love language is the simplest to understand and use because physical touch is not tricky (Stockton, 2016). It also entails paying close attention to your partner to understand the type of physical contact they appreciate because it may differ. Generally, physical contact is the most straightforward love language.
The last type of love language is assisting each other in performing tasks, which is being helpful to your partner.  Marshall (2015) states that using this love language entails doing stuff for your partners that show you care. For example, one may decide to do chores within the house. This form of love language is time-consuming because one has to allocate extra time to perform the tasks (Marshall, 2015). For instance, running an errand such as doing a partner’s laundry. In addition, this form of love language requires planning and being thoughtful (Marshall, 2015). An individual has to decide the type of activity that the spouse will appreciate and lay out a plan of execution. It may not be a simple language for the partner who does not use it.

Conclusion

Understanding love language is crucial in the maintenance of the various relationships in our lives. It is also essential for an individual to know their love language. Love languages assist in communicating feelings to those that are loved. It is worth noting that these languages can be applied to various aspects of our lives such as marriage and the workplace. It is also advisable to conduct further research on love languages and individual satisfaction. Chapman's theory concerning love language plays a significant role in our lives. 

References

Chapman, G. (2010). The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. Manjul Publishing House Pvt Limited, India.

Chapman, G., & White, P. E. (2011). The 5 languages of appreciation in the workplace: Empowering organizations by encouraging people. Moody Publishers.
Dahl, M. (2016). The 5 love languages is a perennial best seller because it helps you read your partner’s weird mind. The Cut. Retrieved from https://www.thecut.com/2016/08/5-love-languages-is-sound-relationship-advice.html

Frances, G. (2017). How the relationship theory of “love languages” can help your workplace relationships, too. The Quartz. Retrieved from https://qz.com/1053563/love-languages-in-the-workplace-how-the-relationship-theory-can-help-your-office-relationships-too/
https://search.proquest.com/docview/304713105.

Kim, A. (2017). What the love language of receiving gifts really means. The Odyssey. Retrieved from https://www.theodysseyonline.com/what-the-love-language-receiving-gifts-really-means

Leverett, J. E. (2007). Relational maintenance behaviors between college freshmen and their parents via instant messaging. Liberty University, Virginia.
Marshall, G. M. (2015). Showing Him you care when his love language is acts of service. Verily. Retrieved from https://verilymag.com/2015/02/5-love-languages-dr-gary-chapman-acts-of-service

Polk, D. M., & Egbert, N. (2013). Speaking the language of love: On whether Chapman’s (1992) claims stand up to empirical testing. The Open Communication Journal, 7(1). West Chester University: USA.
Stockton, C. (2016). 11 things you need to know before you date someone whose love language is ‘touch.’ Thought Catalog. Retrieved from https://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2016/04/11-things-you-need-to-know-before-you-date-someone-whos-love-language-is-touch/

Wright, M. (2013). Applying the ‘Love Languages’ to the Parent-Child relationship. Good Therapy. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/love-languages-parent-child-relationship-0215135