Understanding Issues Faced By Adopted Children: An Essay.

Question:

Discuss About The Specialized Standardization Popularization?

The case study which has been provided for analysis is about a young teenage boy named Geraint. The boy was the adopted child of his parents. He did not have a normal acceptance into his family. There was a complaint to the police regarding a damage of personal property. At the time of his hearing a solicitor was called to help the boy out but he had refused the help of a solicitor. This can be considered to be a case which is quite common in the present times where couples often adopt children whom they are either not able to accept properly or cannot govern. These cases need to be looked into with proper help and guidance.

Certain findings have been made which can particularly be highlighted from the case study provided. The boy had been arrested at 1 am at night. He was extremely subdued and did not want any sort of help from any quarters. He was extremely upset and did not say much at the time of being arrested by the police. At the time of questioning also Geraint was extremely upset. At time of questioning neither of his parents were with him. This was also a case in point regarding the possible nature of relationship between them. A social worker was called to serve as an adult at the time of questioning Geraint. After questioning the boy it was possible to delve a little deeper into the actual problems which were hurting and plaguing him from time to time.

The boy stated that his parents had been unhappy with him and they had made that clear to the boy several times. The parents stated clearly to the boy that they regretted their decision to adopt him. They also cited several reasons for that as well. The parents were upset that he did not fulfil their expectations which they had from him as a child. They were sad and disheartened that Geraint could not perform well. He performed low consistently so they wished that they had never adopted him. They always were in the negative zone and regretted taking the decision of adopting the boy. Geraint’s consistent poor results were the major cause of regret of the couple who adopted him. They were so angry and regretful that they clearly stated their decision. Their decision was they did not wish that Geraint returned to the house.

Findings and analysis

There are several issues which arise at the time when a child realizes that he or she has been adopted. The children may feel sad or extremely hurt at the absence of a relation with their “birth parents” and also the loss of the family and cultural connections which might have existed with those parents. Such moments of grief might be triggered at several instances in their lives. These feelings are manifested in the teen years at the times when turbulence is experienced by a majority of the adopted children. This is due the reason that the children feel abandoned as well as abandonable. There is always an inherent feeling in the children that they are not good enough for their parents. “Such hurtful and vulnerable feelings” might be compounded in case the children find out that their parents are regretting the decision to adopt them (Charlesworth, 2013).

“Adopted children” might struggle with “issues of self esteem or identity development issues more than their non adopted peers”. The teenagers might feel identity crisis issues due to instances of non-acceptance by their parents who have chosen to adopt them. There are instances where thoughts arise in the mind of the children that may be they are not suitable enough to live with their own parents. Every moment of their lives the children live with the thought that they might have a whole family to look and work out for. There might also be issues of guilt which might accompany such issues of identity and other concerns (Leslie et al., 2013).

There are certain instances where adopted children feel that they are betraying their adopted family and family members by expressing their desire to meet with their blood relations. Sensitive or emotionally weak children might also face issues of bullying in school where they might be subject to harsh or rude comments or words when their classmates learn about their real identities of being adopted (Brighous & Swift, 2014).

This particular incident might be explained as an incident of adolescent to parent violence which is not much highlighted even in the present days. There are certain behavioural patterns which categorize the APV which include that of “coercive control”, “domination and intimidation”. Crucially the “parental behaviours” are also “compromised by fear of violence”. Adoption of children and dealing with them also include their challenging behavioural patterns and avoiding instances of domestic violence (Bentley & Mace, 2012).

Adopted children and identity crisis

Conclusion:

Every adolescent might not express an interest in the history of his or her family. Some children might be okay with their reality of being an adopted child. Some children are aware of the obligations which exist leading to the circumstances of their adoption. In addition to this it can be said that those children who are informed later on about their incidents of adoption, are much more understanding towards their adopted and birth parents. They realise the financial obligations which might have prevented their blood relations from raising their children themselves. It is seen that the situation of every adopted child and his or her condition at home or their relationship with their parents is different. Proper care and support is needed at every stage to ensure that they are well taken care of. There should be a proper balance between the child’s acceptance at home and among their families that is their relatives as well. Only if the child feels accepted by his parents and family will a sense of peace prevail in his mind. This is the responsibility of every couple who takes the decision to adopt.

It is necessary to treat even an adopted child as one’s own child. In situations where the parents feel that they are not ready to take up the responsibility of a child who is not their own they should not proceed to adopt in the first place. After the couples have gone ahead with their decision to adopt a child they become responsible for the successful upbringing of their child and they cannot harm an innocent child’s life in any way due to their regret or any sort of negativity on their part (Barkley & Benton, 2013).

In the particular case study for example the parents have not shown any sort of considerate behaviour towards Geraint. They have kept on criticizing him and his performance in academics. They should have shown a certain amount of considerate attitude towards him. They even had not tried to understand what actually the reason for the bad performance of Geraint in school was. From their behaviour it was natural for Geraint as a child to feel sad and dejected. The repetitive condemning statements of his adopted parents pained and depressed him greatly. His parents did not even try to know whether he was being bullied at school or was hurt due to any sort of statements from his classmates.

Adolescent to parent violence and family values

The parents needed to sit the boy down and talk with him in a nice and friendly manner to justify whether they could help him to improve his studies in any way. They could sit with him for an hour in the evenings when they were free to teach him about his class curriculum.

In case Geraint found that his parents actually took a keen interest in him, he would not despair and would not feel sad and disheartened. He would instead work hard and try to perform better to move up high in the eyes of his parents. In case his parents lent a hearing ear to his problems he would not feel alone in the journey of his life. Therefore the parents should have allowed Geraint to grow as a part of his family and get accepted. Acceptance would play a huge part in his life and he would be able to perform and get good grades for himself.

As responsible parents, the couple who adopted Geraint needed to understand the daily trials and tribulations which he had to go through. It is clear that slowly and gradually Geraint started becoming violent after being hurt indirectly by the words of his adopted parents day after day. He might have inbuilt a sense of non acceptance within him which allowed him to realize that nobody found him good enough. The breaking of things at home was nothing but an ultimate crescendo of his feelings. After being dejected and sad for most of the time, ultimately he could do nothing but show his frustration and madness. This was due to the fact that the most important people in his life apart from his blood relations were not accepting him and rather regretting their decision.

References

Barkley, R. A., & Benton, C. M. (2013). Your defiant child: Eight steps to better behavior. Guilford Press.

Bentley, G., & Mace, R. (Eds.). (2012). Substitute parents: Biological and social perspectives on alloparenting in human societies (Vol. 3). Berghahn Books.

Brighouse, H., & Swift, A. (2014). Family values: The ethics of parent-child relationships. Princeton University Press.

Carnes?Holt, K., & Bratton, S. C. (2014). The efficacy of child parent relationship therapy for adopted children with attachment disruptions. Journal of Counseling & Development, 92(3), 328-337.

Charlesworth, R. (2013). Understanding child development. Cengage Learning.

Leslie, L. A., Smith, J. R., Hrapczynski, K. M., & Riley, D. (2013). Racial socialization in transracial adoptive families: Does it help adolescents deal with discrimination stress?. Family Relations, 62(1), 72-81.

Matthews, J. A., & Pinderhughes, E. E. (2016). Ethnic Racial Socialization Among Inracial International Adoptive Placements.

Zollo, S. A. (2015). Raise your Hand against Smacking! Raising Awareness on Children’s Rights through Popularization. Variations in Specialized Genres: Standardization and Popularization, 261.